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| HONORS |
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Trial of Aeneas
Hear ye! Hear ye! All ye noble and honorable citizens of the world stand forth and give your attention.
The man Aeneas – Prince of Troy, Wanderer of the Earth, Legendary Founder of Rome – is hereby charged with not carrying out his duties and obligations to his fellow man. He will be tried before a jury of the elders of the city. Arguments will be heard on two causes of complaint.
First, on the charge that he bears culpability in the death-by-suicide of Dido, the Queen of Carthage.
It is hereby charged that the man Aeneas did not, in his dealings with the Queen, act in accord with his obligations, and by failing to do so, bears a substantial share of the blame for the her untimely death, and thus for the centuries-long enmity between the peoples of Rome and Carthage.
Arguing the case for the prosecution will be:
The Honorable Ms. Whitney Stewart
The Honorable Mr. Thomas Mendez
The Right Honorable Mr. Geoffrey Garza
The Honorable Mr. Joseph "the Moron" Morton
The Outspokenly Honorable Ms. Amanda Venta
The "I'm not sure about all this honorable stuff, but I know I'm better than my sister" Ms. Laure Hamzo
Arguing the case for the defense will be:
The Honorable Ms. Catherine "Bud" Chanoo-, Chana-, Chanwah-, Chan-something-or-other, Chanoine
The Right Honorable Ms. Kemly Philip
The Quietly Honorable Ms. Stephanie Traconis
The "I Won't Be a Lawyer Until I Learn to Love Latin" Dis-Honorable Mr. Alfredo Vittone
The Outstandingly Honorable Ms. Kim Nguyen
The Oddly Honorable Mr. Mark "the Leaf" Leifrig
The Decisively Honorable Ms.Armel Gifford
Second, on the charge that he bears culpability in the illegitimate killing of the man Turnus.
It is hereby charged that the man Aeneas did not in his dealings with the man Turnus on the battlefield carry out the obligations laid upon him by his father, the noble Anchises, in the underworld, to “spare the conquered, battle down the proud.” Rather, looking down upon the suppliant and defeated Turnus, Aeneas acted inflamed by passion for revenge rather than with a view toward the long-term good and peace of his people.
Arguing the case for the prosecution will be:
The Right Honorable Ms. Veronica Vittone
The Fairly Honorable Ms. Jennifer Callon
The Nearly Honorable Ms. Rachel Trate
The Sort of Honorable on My Good Days Mr. Francisco Guzman
That Philip Johnson fellow
Arguing the case for the defense will be:
The Right Honorable Ms. Jessica Diaz
The Moderately Honorable Ms. Jessica Stachyra
The Senior Lawyers of the Firm of Ruhnke, Howen, Howen, and Heisler, Esq.
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Sitting as judges in the aforementioned cases will be:
His Pompous Eminence, The Loudly Honorable R. E. Houser
His Most Extreme Audaciousness, The Completely Reverse of Honorable R. B. Smith
Chief Justice Terence Hall, Duke of Yupon-Above-Richmond presiding
A Retinue of Cronies and Petty Court Officials
* May the almighty and powerful gods grant them wisdom and have mercy on their souls! |
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